I can still remember the first time I experienced racism in my life. I was the ripe age of six. I was on the playground at school and it was around the time of autumn. There was this little boy that I used to talk to at the jungle gym every day. One day, I walked over to him and we started talking like we normally did. The conversation took a sharp turn when he told me I looked like “dirt.” My stomach sank and I had no idea what to say back to him. Even though I was only six I knew what he said was wrong and that it didn’t make me feel good. At the time, I wanted to tell a teacher or my mother, but I didn’t think anyone would be able to understand specifically how I felt. Living in a small town with the majority of the people being white and myself being mixed with the ethnicities of African American and Hispanic, I’ve had to deal with microaggressions, others personal beliefs, and racism.
Microaggressions are a subtle yet offensive comment or action directed at a marginalized group, especially a racial minority. Within my seventeen years of living I’ve recently come to notice how society has normalized the use of microaggressions. I have experienced numerous accounts of microaggressions directed at me such as, people telling me “you’re the whitest black person I know” or saying “where did Destiny go” when the lights were turned off. When I first heard people say these things to me in seventh grade I had no idea they were microaggressions. However, just because I didn’t know they were microaggressions doesn’t mean I didn’t know they were wrong. Those phrases, and others, made me feel completely embarrassed. I thought people only saw me for my skin, that I was just the black girl. It was so degrading being told those words. I was at one of my lowest points. Going forward in high school those microaggressions never stopped. The difference this time was I was able to look in the mirror and say you’re not just the black girl.
The political climate today has brought forward a lot of racial issues and has opened many discussions about others personal beliefs. Living in a small town with a majority of white people with very little to no experience with other cultures or ethnicities, I’m sure you can imagine what most personal beliefs are. Driving by houses filled with trump merchandise, two or three confederate flags alongside a blue lives matter flag and a house with an all lives matter sign in the front yard. My personal beliefs as a person of color are completely on the opposite side of the spectrum. I believe in black lives matter, blue lives don’t exist, and the confederate flag is racist. As a person of color living in a small town with everyone, even peers, with different beliefs as mine, it can feel very lonely because you know no one really understands what you’re going through. For such a long time I didn’t have the courage or bravery to be able to stand up for what I believe in. As I am able to learn more the older I become, I am building more courage within myself and my beliefs.
Living in the town I live in, it's inevitable to experience racism; whether it’s being followed around in the store or simply someone asking me if my hair was a weave. I was told by so many boys at my school that they “would never date a black girl.” That specific example of racism really stuck with me. It made me feel as if I was “wrong” or “unattractive.” I could never wrap my head around how my skin color could possibly make me unattractive. I tried my hardest to make myself look the least like a person of color; straightening my hair every day, wearing clothes to match my friends, and toning down my personality. Even to this day I get nervous to do anything that could possibly be seen as “too black.”
I have to deal with microaggressions, others personal beliefs and racism on a daily basis. As I grow and get older I realize that many people are racist, but there are so many people just like me, who feel just like me and look just like me. I am finally able to say I am comfortable with who I am. I can accept all my flaws. I can take anything negative anyone has said to me about my skin and race knowing I am amazing the way I am. Racism will not go away, unless we all fight and stand as one. Black lives matter and I stand by that.
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